


The Silence after a Storm

by klkyojin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Universe, F/F, Heartbreak, Implied Relationships, Lesbian, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, but it was written that Historia develops romantic feelings for Mikasa, friendship i guess?, i mean you can take it as a developed a close friendship bond if you want, implied romantic feelings, maybe not unrequited?, refrence to past relationship, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:10:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klkyojin/pseuds/klkyojin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Historia is dealing with the pressure and expectations of her true identity, all while being heartbroken and devastated that Ymir left her behind. Can she find comfort and possibly heal, in the presence of someone she never expected?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Silence after a Storm

You're never coming back. I’ve accepted that a long time ago.  
  
The new squad: Squad Levi has been trying to pick up the pieces of the mess you made and left behind. You, Reiner and Bertolt.

Left behind...like you did to me. Left me behind like debris. Amongst the ruins. I’ll admit when you abandoned me and all the promises and dreams you made; we made together. I was ruined. You broke me. You broke Krista Lenz; the girl I tried to preserve for so many years. The porcelain mask that hid my face, my true identity, was yanked to the floor and shattered like the pieces of a broken mirror. Krista Lenz was ruined. She no longer had reason to exist. All that was left behind was, Historia Reiss, an empty shell. Nothing. Now I have to live with myself. Now they need me. Not as the kind, compassionate and caring Krista Lenz who was always there to help them and encourage them. No. They never truly needed her. They need Historia Reiss. "Reiss", no they want it. It is all so suffocating. The responsibility, the expectation they have of me, Historia Reiss. Most would think to be recognized and needed for who you truly are would be liberating. But it only makes me want to glue back together the pieces of my mask and hide behind it once more. But what choice do I have as the rest of humanity depends on me and my name?

 

  
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Lately, I have been spending a lot of time with the rest of the Survey Corps under Captain Levi’s command. I tend to keep to myself, but I don’t really mind the others. Mikasa and Sasha are the only other girls in the squad. Although Sasha is a nice girl, I try to avoid Sasha as much as possible because her hunger is so intense, that truly it frightens me. Mikasa is a different story. The girl who I never really noticed. Although she stands out for her strength and skill, she is withdrawn and quiet, lingering behind Eren like his shadow. We have more in common than I initially believed. I’ll come to find that out later. There is a mutual understanding between us, one that does not require words. This silence we share is strangely comforting. I think she felt the same way. Maybe that is what drew us closer. Maybe that’s was started it all.

  
  
I can’t tell you the exact moment it happened. It wasn’t those moments they talk about in old fairy tales. The sudden sparks you feel just from the first time your eyes meets across the room. Or that feeling of realization that awakens something in your heart, in your body, in your very being. You are supposed to be so aware of the feeling. It is supposed to be strong and overwhelming. No, it was not any of that. It was something that snuck itself into your veins, like a cancer....taking its time, quietly and patiently. You don’t realize it is killing you more with each passing day. That is until you really begin to realize you are sick and before you can do anything about it, it is already the end. That’s how it really happened, I didn’t really realize it was happening. Every day spent with her, these simple moments...Preparing supper together, the skin of our fingers brushing against each other as she passed me the knife. The other day when we went out to collect some firewood, the way my eyes lingered on the muscles of her forearms flexing and disappearing into her rolled up sleeves. The way her cheeks flushed and her skin glistened with sweat; the product of her hard labour.  The way she listened attentively; her eyes never leaving me as I shared the truth of my past with everyone. I remember they held some sort of emotion in them but before I could read what it was, it was gone. Eventually each time we had been assigned a duty we were just expected to carry it out together. I think we had both silently acknowledged this had become routine, maybe even...natural. During those times, to my surprise, she had made me laugh. Who would have ever thought Mikasa Ackerman had a sense of humor? Okay, maybe it was a very dry and sarcastic one, but nonetheless it was nice. Some odd times we would even go as far as sharing some light stories of our childhood. She told me about her short years in Shiganshina, always having to bail out Eren and Armin. I told her about the farm; the many trees and animals I saw, the scenery I could lose myself in as a child. But we knew which ones to keep to ourselves. Although she still remained such a mystery to me. I guess thats what drew me to her. That she was so guarded...like there was so much more to her...like she was hiding something.Well...that was what drew me to you. To be completely honest, sometimes she would remind me of you. She was tall, strong and cold. But what I do know is that in these moments, where it was just her and I, it made me forget about the chaos and expectations waiting for me outside. In these moments...I no longer thought of you.  
  
You’re never coming back...and maybe that isn’t so bad.  


**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first time actually posting something here! this idea came to me and it went a little different than i initially imagined but i really like where this went. i might keep this just as a one-shot. I think i can leave it as it is, leave the ending open but at the same time there is closure. i was thinking of maybe continuing it?? if you'd like to see where is it goes? maybe have mikasa's pov? but kinda like how it is. let me know what you think of my first piece!


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